Online Dating Blog

I’m referring to online dating, of course. When the phenomenon of online dating sites started several years ago it was thought that respectable people would never succumb to such services. In fact, online dating services were a haven for perverts, sexual predators, nerds, and weirdoes of assorted varieties. But that has changed over the years.

There is no longer a stigma attached to online dating. The concept has gone main stream and is, not only acceptable, but expected. It is not reserved for any particular group of people or any particular age. Online dating has become the primary tool of single people of all ages, incomes and interests to generate an interesting and rewarding social life.

The reality is that people are very busy these days. Online dating can be done from the comfort of our home, saving us time, energy and money. The truth is, most of us really don’t have the time, the energy, or the financial where-with-all to date several nights each week to look for the “one”.  But we can easily sort through hundreds of profiles in a month for less money than one evening out would cost. And that saves us time and money.

It’s very possible that the Internet will connect you with the ‘one’ in a million. At the very least, you will meet some interesting people and possibly make some lasting friendships.  It’s easy to get started. All you need is a computer and an internet connection. You’ll need to search for online dating services that meet your specific needs. They are many and varied.

Join one or two. Then you’ll need to write a great profile, upload a recent picture of yourself and start making and answering contacts. That really is all there is to it…that and patience.

But don’t be too shy because even very beautiful women like to be approached by a confident and interesting man.  Are you surprised?  It’s true…and confidence and interesting are much more important than looks to ladies of all ages, too. That’s true for internet dating, as well as, dating in your brick and mortar world but we’re talking about internet dating here…so back to the subject at hand.

Once you have joined an online dating service, you will find that there a lot more men than women and that the men are much more likely to browse profiles and make initial contacts than women.   That’s why your profile and picture are so important.

Keep in mind that being confident and interesting does not translate into cocky and self-centered. It’s important that your profile lets people know that you have friends you care about and that you are passionately interested in a variety of things.

Many women join an online dating site only to wonder where to go from there. Well the first step is of course, that all important profile. You need to write it in a way that it will attract attention from the right sort of men. But how do you do that?

No matter what you write you should be honest. Remember – the purpose of joining this online dating service is to find someone that will like/love you for who you really are. The real you. Think about relationships you have had in the past. What was good about them and what wasn’t. Maybe you love dogs and your last boyfriend didn’t like dogs. You might want to mention that you are a dog lover. Did your last boyfriend smoke and you hated the way it made your clothes smell? Or maybe you are a smoker and do not plan to quit.

You would also want to talk about things that are interesting about yourself. Are you an artist? Do you like to paint or draw? Can you play a musical instrument or sing or write? Maybe you are a sports enthusiast. All of these things would help others determine if they would be a good match for you and you for them.

You get the idea – just include what is important to you. Your profile photo should be a recent one that is a good picture. Men look first at the photo and then they read what you have said about yourself – wait a minute – women do that too!

It is the profiles that allow you and others to decide if you are potential matches. And from there you can decide to chat.

This is the difference in online dating and blind dates. If you have ever been on a blind date you can certainly relate to the total apprehension you have to feel beforehand. After all, you really do not know what to expect. Even though a friend may have told about the person you still aren’t sure about anything.

But with online dating you have an opportunity to ‘meet’ online and to develop a real relationship before you meet face-to-face. Many people come to know intimate details about each other’s lives before they actually meet. And when the actual meeting occurs they are ready to move to the next level of the relationship which may be engagement or marriage.

Online dating really is the dating trend of now and the future. In today’s world this is the best way to open the door to the opportunity to meet individuals that you otherwise would never meet. Congratulations on your forward thinking!

Once you have joined a couple of dating services the next step is to write a profile that really works for you. You also need to load a recent photo. Now you are ready to chat. But how do you start? How do you decide who has potential and who doesn’t?

You want to separate the Gold Diggers and Daddy’s Girls from the others. But how do you do that? The answer is – you have to ask the right questions.  When you ask questions you have to ask in a way that the lady has to expand on the answer. And if you decide you want to impress this lady you will need to know what mistakes you should avoid. Her answers to those questions will guide you.

After the initial small talk you can ask her something like, “What are the biggest mistakes guys make when dating online?”  Listen carefully to her answers.  This will be your guide to impressing her. She’s going to tell you a lot about herself and her views on men in general.

Next you should ask her, “What do you really think about online dating?”  This question will supply you with information about any bad experiences she may have had in online dating and help you to avoid making the same mistakes.

And of course, the most important of all, you should ask her, “What caused the break up in your last relationship?”  Listen very closely to her response. The ideal answer is something about the breakup being a mutual decision. The worst response is putting total blame on the guy. You really need to think her answer over and decide if you are willing to work with her so to speak.

Now let’s get back to that profile. If your profile isn’t interesting you won’t have many people interested in you. Right? The best way to begin writing your profile is to carefully analyze your past relationship (s).  What was right?  What was wrong?  What things really made you like the last girl?  Which didn’t?

Be honest about your looks and about your income. Don’t try to be something that you aren’t. After all, if the relationship grows and you actually meet someone face-to-face they will find out that you were not honest and that will end the relationship. Then you will simply be remembered as a liar. The idea is to find a girl who will like you exactly like you are.

And finally, when you do find a girl that you believe is ‘the one’, cancel your membership. After all, you both know that online dating services are intended for those who are still looking for someone special.

Believe it or not, no matter what your age, height, weight or physical appearance, there are thousands of women out there eager to meet you and eager for your company. This is true whether your goal is for a short term relationship or you are seeking a lifelong partner.

Many men suddenly find themselves without a partner. They may be divorced, widowed, or just too busy to spend a lot of time looking for a lady to develop a relationship with. That’s when online dating is wonderful. It really can be an ideal way to open a door of opportunity to a new dating scene.

All you need is a computer and Internet connection to get started. There are hundreds of online dating sites available. You can find them according to age groups as well as based on special interests such as religious preferences, outdoor enthusiasts, sexual orientation, etc.  Ideally you will choose one or two that meets your particular needs.

Paid sites are usually much better than free ones. The reason is they have restrictions in place that help to keep spammers out. In other words, the profiles are monitored to ensure that people are who they say they are.

Many of these include live video chats and other features. The paid online dating sites are not expensive at all. In fact, most cost less than a dinner and movie date.

After you join a site the next step is writing an honest but a killer profile. You want to be interesting but don’t overdo it. Upload a recent photo of yourself and you are good to go.

Keep in mind that your goal is to find the perfect girl or woman for you. You are not trying to collect women. So don’t think of this as a competition or that more is better. You really only need one to win.

Turn yourself into the perfect guy that women will want. Keep your profile honest and be honest when you answer questions.

Be confident – not arrogant.  Communicate with the women you are interested in. And let them know that you are listening and fully understand what they are saying to you. Women want to be heard and listened to. They want to feel that they are interesting – that you care enough to interact with them by having a real conversation with them. As in, they say something, and you say something back.

Online dating can be fun but don’t neglect your own personal safety and that of your computer.  Use common sense and a little added precautions to protect yourself – especially in the following areas:

Your Computer -

Unfortunately there are unscrupulous individuals that enjoy infecting other people’s computers with viruses. To protect your computer equipment and systems before you head out into the Internet realm you need to have a firewall and anti-virus protection for your email and for when you search websites and interact online. At the bare minimum, you may want these two solutions that are offered at no charge to home computer users (i.e. not for commercial use):

Free Firewall Download: ZoneAlarm www.zonelabs.com

Free Anti-Virus Download: AVG Anti-Virus www.grisoft.com

Protecting Yourself –

First of all you need to do a little research about the online dating sites before you decide to join or even participate. Choose one that is appropriate and reputable. How? Begin by asking around with friends, neighbors, co-workers and others you may know who have tried online dating, and see which places they recommend. In addition, search “online dating services” and keep a notebook of their URLs or website links, the fees, rules and regulations, complete contact information of each and any other useful information that spikes your interest. Then compare each place.  Try only those places where you feel completely safe and comfortable. Stay away from the others.

Once you have find a suitable online dating service you can settle in and let the fun begin. Hopefully you will read a profile that interests you and you will be able to ‘meet’ that person online.

A tip is, even if you like this person a lot, you will need to nurture the relationship if it is going to grow. And the other person should demonstrate that they are respectful of you and that they care about you – even though at this point the relationship is strictly online. So how do you do that? Here are some ways:

1. Respect time commitments. Each of you have lives outside of the online dating so if you have made arrangements to meet online you should be there.
2. Communication should feel right. There shouldn’t be pressure to meet online or offline – the desire should be mutual.
3. There should be a real respect for each other’s privacy. Share only what you are comfortable with and accept the fact that your friend has a right to his or her own privacy.
4. Share whatever you can. This might include sending special cards through the mail or sharing links to favorite websites.

If you are new to online dating you may be wondering what type of activities fit in with online dating. There really is such a thing as cyber-dates. When you meet a new person online you typically talk about the same things you would in real life – and that may include the weather, any movies you have seen recently, books you may have read, etc. But soon there comes a point when you may run out of things to say. Then what do you do. That’s when many online daters turn to cyber dating.

A couple of popular online activities are sharing recipes and bidding at auctions. And both of these easily fit well into online dating opportunities, which is one of the most popular online activities for singles today. This can be a great way to help many people get to know each other a little bit better. Here’s what potential cyber-dates do.

Sharing Recipes – After you have exhausted the topic of the weather and movies and other typical subjects you can turn to food. Sharing favorite foods and recipes helps break the ice and it can even help you form new friendships based on your culinary skills – or lack of – and tastes. Search your favorite search engine for “free recipes” to share. You can also take photos of your culinary creations and share them with your date.

Bidding at Auctions – Ebay auctions sell nearly anything and everything – there is certain to be something there for everyone. So one idea is to surf around and enter searches on things like the dates you were in middle school. Then share cool memorabilia photos of old games and toys from when you were a child or when your parents or grandparents were little; some ideas are things like The Dating Game, Oscar Mayer wiener whistles, The Partridge Family Album, Bobby Sherman’s Album, 45’s and more. These things are great conversation starters and they can bring up a lot of memories. It can really be a lot of fun.

Another fun activity can be your photos.  Create an online photo album for your new cyber-mate.  Include digital photos of favorite outdoor scenes, pets, flowers, cars, silly moments, your computer corner or laptop, etc.  This will give you even more to discuss during online dates via emails and chat rooms. Search for “photo albums” to find places that store your photos.

You can also send online greeting cards. There are a number of online places that offer these. They range from free to low cost and you can send with a single click.

Okay men, if you want the online dating world to open new opportunities for you there are a few things that you will need to consider. First of all, keep in mind that the real world dating tips apply to online dating too.

Looks are important. Tell your new friend that she looks good. You can comment on her photo and you can ask how she wears her hair. You can even ask how she ‘is’ wearing her hair. And you can talk about how attractive that style is.

Kindness is important. People in general like people that are kind. They also like people that see the positive rather than the negative. Make this the real you. It is important to be yourself – so it is important to be that kind of upbeat person – the kind that sees the glass half full.

Be helpful. Be optimistic. It wouldn’t hurt to read a self-help book or two. That would not only help you personally but it would also give you some great topics to talk about.

Online dating does work – or at least it can work. But you need to keep in mind that women in general are terrified of meeting a man that she has been chatting with online.  All they have heard about are the scary things that can happen…and, I must say, they have a right to be careful to the extreme.  That’s not only wise but vital.  So what’s a nice guy like you to do?  You aren’t a pervert, a sexual predator, or a weirdo.  You are just a nice guy looking for “the” right girl for you.

Here’s what you need to do: You must be patient.  Don’t push her for personal information. Don’t even press for her real name or where she lives.  Keep your conversations light and fun until she feels comfortable talking with you online and offers more information.  And whatever you do, don’t rush her into meeting face-to-face.  Let that meeting take place after you feel you really know her. If you try to push for a meeting she will think you are desperate or a pervert.  Let her lead the way in sharing. You have to practice patience.

Honesty is key. Don’t lie about your appearance and or job.  That will just set the relationship up to fail. Post pictures that show you as you really are. And when you do meet for the first time set the meeting up in a very public place, during the day and suggest that she bring a friend along with her. That will assure her that you have nothing to hide.

It really is true that online dating sites used to be populated mostly by perverts, sexual predators, weirdoes, social misfits and emotional wrecks. But all that has changed. There have been crackdowns that have landed most of those people behind bars and the reputable online dating sites have standards in place that ensure people are who they say they are.

In other words, online dating is much safer now than it was when it first started. This phenomenon has gone mainstream and it has lost the social stigma it once suffered. Single people of all ages, races, religions and both sexes do it. The reasons people join online dating sites are as varied but mostly they join for three very good reasons: (1) Time (2) Money and (3) It works.

Because you can check out countless profiles in a single evening this method of dating streamlines the process of finding suitable partners. And a big plus is, you can do this from the comfort of your own home. All you need is a computer and an Internet connection. The cost of the online dating sites is very inexpensive. In fact, the usual monthly fee is less than what you would expect to pay for a typical dinner and movie date. And with all the profiles available at the click of a mouse it’s really hard to imagine that you wouldn’t find someone – the ‘right’ someone in a very short period of time.

Some tips include that you should be honest in your profile. After all, you want to find a person that likes you for being who you really are. But you should not give out your name, address, and phone number – at least not until you really know the person. Just say what city you live in – this may not be a person that you would want showing up at your front door.

Set up a special email account and give that to your dating friends or use the one provided by the service. And when you decide to meet someone be sure to make that meeting in a public place. Ideally it should be during daylight hours and you should take a friend with you.

Online dating offers lots of advantages over traditional dating. First of all, you can be anonymous. You are not required to give your real name. This is your chance to use that name that you always loved. Plus, online dating offers many more choices than you could ever hope for in the brick and mortar world. You can select from hundreds or even thousands of profiles to find the right man for you. And finally, there is the safety factor, as long as you are savvy this is an extremely safe way to meet and screen people. Online dating services do not reveal your personal information, it is up to you to decide who you give it to and when.

While you search the internet for that special someone there are a lot of things you can do right.  But you can also do a lot of things wrong. Online, you have to be honest. You also have to be patient.

You need to remember that there is a big difference between being aggressive or confident and being too aggressive, over-confident, or just plain sleazy or slimy from a woman’s point of view. If you push too hard for a face-to-face meeting you will come across as too aggressive. With all the things that have been in the news in recent years you will likely come across as scary.  Keep the relationship progressing at a slow but steady pace.  Patience will be your best friend in an online relationship.

Nobody is perfect so don’t present yourself as if you are.  We all have faults and we carry some baggage with us. That includes you, as well.  If you expect the woman or man of your dreams to be absolutely perfect and you plan to wait for that you will always be disappointed.  Demanding perfectionism in your work is one thing.

Demanding perfectionism from a friend, co-worker or a lady/man you are interested in is not just fine.  It won’t happen.  After all, you desire to meet a real person. Let the faults and baggage be a part of what makes the person interesting. Expect something from their life to be out of the norm, something that you will need to adjust to – and be willing to do so. Decide the ones you can live with and those you can’t.

Be honest about yourself too. Even little white lies won’t work.  Make your profile interesting but don’t make false statements.

Women too have a list of things they must not do when engaged in an online relationship with a man.  These things are certain to put a quick and final end to any further communications with him.

While chatting online or by email don’t share your life story.  Keep correspondence short and sweet unless you are asked for details. Then you can elaborate. And when he asks you a question about your life you should also ask him a question about his life.

Keep things honest. If you have to just say you don’t want to answer the question, but don’t lie. Be honest. You want to be liked – loved, for yourself – for who you really are.

You almost never read anything about how to keep men safe when they are online. Even when it comes to online dating. Nearly everything you read about online dating safety is directed at women. But the reality is perverts, sexual predators and weirdoes come in both sexes, in all shapes and sizes, and all ages. And there are liars and cheaters online that will victimize men as quickly as they will women. The point is, men need to stay on guard, too.

It is common knowledge that personal information should not be given out to strangers.  The list of reasons for not doing so is as long as the number of strangers who want that information.  If you come across a person who is giving out personal information and asking others to do the same it is time to click away from that website. Or at least avoid the temptation to give any information to the person.  You don’t know what they want to use it for….and you had better believe they want to use it for something.  That “something” will not be for your benefit.

Many women look to men for financial help. Men should be wary of women who seem too financially needy. There are dozens of ways that money matters can come up and women can ask for money. If this happens you should cut the relationship off immediately.  They are not looking for love or friendship….they are looking for financial help.

Be cautious if contact is an issue. The woman may be married and not telling you. Also be wary of a woman that is pushy about commitments that you aren’t ready to make.

Okay – that’s some of the negatives, now let’s get to the positives. Let’s talk about online flirting. This is fun stuff!

There is an art to flirting. You have to demonstrate confidence without going over the top. Now you may be wondering how to flirt online. The reality is, it might be easier online than in real life for some people. Here are some tips:

1. Have fun and be playful
2. Have a positive outlook and an optimistic attitude
3. Always compliment her
4. Listen attentively and interact with her
5. Never be rude
6. Send e-cards

Flirting should always be fun and playful. The little online winks can add a whimsical touch to a comment – you know, like this,

And when it comes to attitudes, no one wants to talk with someone that is negative. As far as listening attentively, that is just part of being courteous which falls into not being rude. And sending e-cards is another way to be fun and playful.